True Wants Online Dating Services to Provide Bodyguards for First Dates!
(Online Dating Satire Newswire) Online dating service True is trying to get state laws passed that would require online dating services to provide bodyguards to online daters who meet for the first time. This legislative effort follows True's campaign to require background checks on people entering bars before being allowed in.
Wearing his nicest suit, True CEO Herb Vest praised his group's efforts to make the world of dating safer for everyone.
"This is just the tip of the iceberg in our plans to make sure that all forms of dating are 100% safe," said Vest. "We are also looking at getting laws passed to require that all messages between users are spell checked and that all profile pictures be taken by online dating services to ensure authenticity. We currently have 1,974 different ideas to govern online dating and we are in the process of trying to secure the rights to the domain TrueLaws.com in order to keep them organized for legislatures."
In its most recent legislative efforts, True is trying to get lawmakers to pass bills that state that all online dating services must provide a bodyguard to go on first dates between members or that the service must post on their home page that they don't provide bodyguards.
Vest says that this law should protect online daters who go on a date with someone "bad" who got by the online dating background checks. Under the new law, all bodyguards will be required to be named "Bubba" and accompany the couple on their first date. True is pushing for online dating services to have to pay for "Bubba's" activities, like dinner, while the couple will sort out their own payment method. Some legislatures who have seen the bill state they would be more likely to vote for it if "Bubba" is allowed to "act" when a guy claims to have forgotten his wallet on the first date.
"What's cool about these laws," says Vest, "is that we have a Vested interest in them. We sign exclusive contracts with the biggest companies, like bodyguardsfordaters.com, before trying to get laws passed. That makes it harder for our competitors. Wait, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Scratch that. This interview is off the record, right?"
The Online Dating Satire Newswire will keep you posted of any new legislative efforts by True in its quest to become the papal authority of the online dating industry.
Wearing his nicest suit, True CEO Herb Vest praised his group's efforts to make the world of dating safer for everyone.
"This is just the tip of the iceberg in our plans to make sure that all forms of dating are 100% safe," said Vest. "We are also looking at getting laws passed to require that all messages between users are spell checked and that all profile pictures be taken by online dating services to ensure authenticity. We currently have 1,974 different ideas to govern online dating and we are in the process of trying to secure the rights to the domain TrueLaws.com in order to keep them organized for legislatures."
In its most recent legislative efforts, True is trying to get lawmakers to pass bills that state that all online dating services must provide a bodyguard to go on first dates between members or that the service must post on their home page that they don't provide bodyguards.
Vest says that this law should protect online daters who go on a date with someone "bad" who got by the online dating background checks. Under the new law, all bodyguards will be required to be named "Bubba" and accompany the couple on their first date. True is pushing for online dating services to have to pay for "Bubba's" activities, like dinner, while the couple will sort out their own payment method. Some legislatures who have seen the bill state they would be more likely to vote for it if "Bubba" is allowed to "act" when a guy claims to have forgotten his wallet on the first date.
"What's cool about these laws," says Vest, "is that we have a Vested interest in them. We sign exclusive contracts with the biggest companies, like bodyguardsfordaters.com, before trying to get laws passed. That makes it harder for our competitors. Wait, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Scratch that. This interview is off the record, right?"
The Online Dating Satire Newswire will keep you posted of any new legislative efforts by True in its quest to become the papal authority of the online dating industry.
posted by Joe Tracy @ 12:17 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:41 PM,
Joe Tracy said…
The truth behind the satire:
Online Dating Service True has been involved in legislative efforts to require online dating services to do background checks on all their members or post that they don't do such background checks.
Here's the kicker... True pursued this road after signing an EXCLUSIVE contract with the largest provider of background checks online. Why the exclusive contract if True is truly interested in making online dating a safer experience? True has no right to try and force its ways and views on other online dating services. IMHO, of course.
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